Fatherless Daughter - black milk women


Become who you are


Dear [fatherless] daughter,

Your life may never be the same again,

The void your father left seems to grow bigger over time.

You may not have had the best relationship with him,

Yet you still find yourself begging him in your head to come back.

Perhaps you were too young to remember him,

Perhaps he was gone before you could even get to know him,

So you created an ideal picture in your head of what the perfect dad would be.

You needed his presence to protect you, save you, guide you,

And tell you you’re the most beautiful girl in the world.

You needed his spirit to uplift you and tell you there’s nothing you cannot do,

But he left before setting the foundation of your confidence and self-esteem.

Before teaching you how worthy and powerful you are.


And so, you looked for love in all the wrong places.


Hoping to eventually fill the hole your daddy left.

But they were never him.

They never treated you like a queen,

They never made you feel unique,

Precious, safe and cherished.

No, they were not him. How could they be?

By the time you realized it, the damage was already done.

You became needy

For love, attention, affection.

Desperately craving validation,

And wanting to feel loved at all costs.

So you traded your dignity for an elusive sense of worthiness,

With men who only took from you but never returned.

They knew how desperate you were,

They knew how vulnerable you became when they decided to leave.

Some took advantage of you and left you wounded,

Others loved you but couldn’t fill this hole within you.

Your relationships gradually became unhealthy and destructive,

So you found a illusory sense of relief in substances, alcohol, or sex.

Anything that would make you feel something. Anything.


Your relationship with men became your own self-mutilation ritual.


You knew you would be hurt,

You knew they did not deserve you.

But you traded your body and soul,

To compensate for the pain you felt all this long.

You let them enter you, sometimes abuse you,

Then ignore you and humiliate you,

But it was all you knew.

It was your only definition of what love should be, or could be.

The way they treated you was just a reflection of how you treated yourself.


Forgive yourself.


Nobody ever taught you how to love yourself,

Nobody taught you how worthy you were,

Nobody taught you how to draw clear boundaries with men,

Nobody taught you how to honour your sacred self.

You learned all of it by yourself,

Through mistakes and trials,

Through heartbreak and pain,

You’ve learned resilience.

Even when depression hit you,

You always found the strength to bounce back.

Forgive those who hurt you and took advantage of you

It was all they knew, too.

They were dealing with their own unhealed trauma,

Their own wounds and insecurities,

And it turned them into your oppressors.

Finally, forgive your father.

For not protecting you when you needed it the most,

For not teaching you the foundation of self love and respect,

For not being present to celebrate your victories,

And wipe your tears every time you failed.

Yes, forgive him. Completely and wholeheartedly.

For creating such a void in you,

For leaving you so hurt and incomplete,

For making you feel abandoned.


You are stronger now.


You are healing and getting your pieces back together,

You are learning how to love yourself.

You are not afraid anymore.

To be alone, to be abandoned, to feel unloved.

You are rising above the pain

And transforming old destructive patterns into healthy ones.

You are learning from your experience,

You stopped blaming yourself and others.

And as you rise emotionally and spiritually,

As you let go of all the pain and resentment,

The right people will come into your life effortlessly.

You will learn how to love without being needy,

You will no longer be desperate even if they leave.

Because you know your worth and honour yourself.

Your past experiences taught you the value of meaningful relationships.


You are now a love warrior.


Take your time and when the right people show up,

You will know it instantly.

They will make you feel safe, loved and at peace.

They will certainly never replace your daddy,

But they will help you heal and elevate yourself.

You will eventually realize how damaged you were,

And how unhealthy your past relationships truly were.

But don’t feel discouraged,

You must be consistent in your healing journey.

Remember, it’s not about them, or your dad,

It’s about finding that eternal source of light within yourself.

It’s about becoming your own cheerleader, your own she-roe.

It’s about learning how to honour and respect yourself,

And finally building trust and confidence within yourself.


Do the inner work, so it can manifest in the outer world.


The more you focus on yourself, the more you heal the wounded parts of you.

The more you become aware of your worth, the more your truest self blooms.

You no longer need to feel ashamed, rejected, or dysfunctional.

You are worthy, you are loved, you are beautiful.

And I promise, one day you will feel whole again.


Thank you Andrea for sharing your article. This article was initially published on www.femmeslumiere.com


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