interratial relationships - black milk women


Love & Relationships


Had you told me seven years ago that I’d end up with a Quebecois environmentalist whose first album was Biggie Smalls’ Life After Death, I would have laughed. Hard. The truth is, I never had much interest in dating outside of my race. I wasn’t opposed to it. But I wasn’t particularly interested in it either. So it was completely by happenstance that I came to be with my Caucasian partner and the father of my son. And by happenstance, I mean that I fell in love, completely haphazardly and unintentionally. Without any warning, I tumbled clumsily into love and I was helpless to stop it. And just like that, I was one-half of the ambiguous ‘interracial couple’.


"When I look at my partner, I don’t see a white man"


I never imagined that I’d have made a life with someone who didn’t have at least a similar upbringing as me. And while I was dating, that meant someone from a similar, or the same, cultural background.  And I supposed a large part of the reason why I never looked outside of my race for love is because I never imagined I would find someone with whom I’d have much in common with. Not in the way that being with them was effortless and natural. I didn’t imagine we could have similar morals and values, aspirations and dreams. I didn’t imagine we’d find humour in the same things or draw inspiration from the same places. I didn’t think he’d appreciate my culture in a way that wasn’t ‘foreign’. So when I discovered all of these qualities in my partner, it took me by complete surprise. And where matters of the heart are concerned, convention and expectation have no bearing.

When I look at my partner, I don’t see a white man. Of course, I know that he’s white. But when I look at him, I see the man I love. The man I am building a life with. The father of my child. I do not try to give credence to what society thinks should make us incompatible. Rather, I embrace the beauty of how two people so seemingly different, from such different backgrounds, can find each other and create a beautiful life together.

While I do think it’s strange to be classified as an ‘interracial couple’, I certainly understand the curiosity that it might elicit. We like to say we were doing it before it was ‘cool’. Jokingly, of course. But it certainly seems like being an interracial couple is ‘a thing’ these days. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. It just seems like interracial couples are glamorized and fawned over much more than same-race couples. I think love is something that should always be celebrated, whether it’s shared between two people of the same race or not.  So while I am well aware of the differences in our racial make-up, we prefer to think of ourselves as two people in love.

So what’s the truth about interracial relationships? The truth is, there is no grand truth to be told. An interracial relationship is a relationship. Period. It’s not like any other relationship because no two relationships are the same. But like every other relationship, there will be disagreements and challenges. There will be moments that require hard work and commitment from both parties. There is nothing that makes an interracial relationship ‘special’. At the end of the day it is simply two people who have built a relationship on a connection of mind and spirit, on shared morals and values, and grounded in mutual love and respect. The only special thing about that is that it is Love. Plain and simple.


"I embrace the beauty of how two people so seemingly different, 

from such different backgrounds, 

can find each other and create a beautiful life together."


Alicia is a full-time writer/blogger and aspiring multi-hyphenate. Born in Toronto and raised in Jamaica, she now calls Montreal home. With a background in Broadcast-Journalism and a passion for inspiring through her writing, Alicia enjoys writing and creating content for the millennial woman. You can read more of her work at

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