Why I don't want kids - Black Milk Woman


My Life My Choice


Yeah. I’m starting the post about not wanting kids with an analogy about kids. Follow me though…

So you know those kids who constantly ask,


"But whhhhhhhhyyyyyyyy????"


Well that was me but not literally cuz my mum would have smacked me, but def in my head. Eventually this little girl grew up to start asking why out loud. First just quietly to myself and eventually so loud that I could no longer ignore it.

I asked myself WHY I wanted to get married. Is it to have a wedding? Nope, not into it. Is to declare in front of God, my family, my friends that I’ve found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with? Nawww. TBH I don’t care much about that either.  It’s only important for me to make that declaration to my partner. The rest is just a formality.  We’ll leave it there for now because this post is really about:


Why don’t I want kids?


The short answer is that if I have to think sooooo fucking hard to come up with a reason to want them, then sorry not sorry; I don’t want them.




I draw on all the reasons other people give for wanting kids. One that I get often is, there’s just nothing like it. True. But so long as that’s the case, I don’t know what I’m missing and I’m PERFECTLY cool with that. Because where I stand now, I don’t feel like I’m missing anything.

It’s def not because I’m afraid to be a mother or think I wouldn’t make a good mother. Quite the contrary my friend, I know I’d be an awesome mum. And if I had an unplanned pregnancy I would love that kid more than life itself. Knock on wood, but if that does happen and it’s years from now, and my kid is reading this:

Mofo I loved you from the moment you existed. You just weren’t in the plan. You will learn if you haven’t already, that life doesn’t always go to plan but it doesn’t make it any less valuable or meaningful – So fix your face!

I’ve been told by some friends who’ve been around long enough that maybe it’s because of the large age gap between myself and baby brothers. Because like any big sister, I learned my time wasn’t actually my own time and I learned to do a lot of things on my own while my parents focused on their babies who needed them most. Because I was old enough to see my brothers go through the stage where they disrespected my parents and took them for granted. Able to see my mother hurt from feeling devalued; which I’m sure I did to her too and I’m also sure is not unlike the experience of many mothers. I know what I’m describing is not unique and of course I’m not telling you about all the moments of pride and joy that I know my parents also experienced.

But none of this changes that I just don’t have that innate desire to want children or marriage or that happy lil’ family unit. Being a mother isn’t on my list of aspirations. I don’t question your desire for those things. I don’t ask you why you want them and TBH I don’t give a fuck.  Do you boo!  Be happy. I will however ask myself why? Why do I want those things? And I just can’t find a reason that is truly meaningful to me. Not. One. If you’ve got a problem with that, well, that’s just what it is…  YOUR problem. I can I assure you, I lose no sleep over it.

Why I don't want Kids - Black Milk Women

What you might want to do though – if you’re not doing it already; for your daughters, for future boss ass babes, is not put so much energy into making other women feel bad just because they make a choice that’s different from your own.


Photo by @Brendan Church

This article was initally published on www.thirthysomethingsinglevegan.wordpress.com

JJ’s on journey to discover her truth; here’s your invitation for the climb. Born to hustle hard, she’s committed to happiness through every step and stumble.  When you're ready for more, get at her here:

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