mini do better guide - black milk women




Let's not take these bad habits any further into the new year and DO BETTER!

I was recently inspired by the ultra-talented and wildly funny, Luuvie Ajayi’s book, "I'm judging you: The Do Better Manual"

It highlights a slew of areas where we, as humans, are lacking and need to do better.

So after reading her book, I have been consciously, yet unconsciously, curating my own mini list of silly yet, serious things I noticed we need not bring into 2017.


Thou Shall Not Be a “Petty Labelle”

An eye for an eye, leaves both blind and where y’all gonna go after that? We all have 1 or a few people, we would take immense pleasure in seeking revenge, after they done fucked with our "chi". However, (with a capital H), we have to rise above and keep it classy. Seeking ways of retaliating is ridiculous. Revenge and bitterness is for little girls. Telling everyone around you, except the actual person you have a problem with, is trifling and petty. If you have an issue, talk it out, agree on a solution and move forward. Act like you have home training and if you don't, FAKE IT! Stop the foolishness and grow up.


Thou Shall Be Accountable for One’s Actions

This is a big one people! Let me start by saying, we’ve all experienced childhood trauma, in one shape or form and to various degrees. Our personal experiences can be key indicators as to how we think and behave. However, as we walk, learn and grow, we understand and learn what is acceptable behaviour. Therefore, if you are using the fact that you grew up in a single parent home, as justification for being a dead-beat parent, shame on you. If you're using the fact that you're an only child, so you never learned how to share or think of others except yourself, please have several seats. We are adults. We know right from wrong and that both have consequences. Let’s collectively stop making excuses and be accountable for our actions because, it's not cute when you're an adult and you continue to point fingers.


Thou Shall Not Cut Nails in Public Places

It's safe to say that Sunday service or at work is a public place, therefore, let's refrain from clipping nails in public places where the chance of one or more of your nail clippings, may fly inadvertently, onto your co-workers desk, belongings or in their coffee cup. At church, during prayer, benediction or offering, why do you think it's ok to cut our nails? It breaks concentration, it’s distracting and frankly, kinda gross.


Thou Shall Cover your Mouth When You Cough

Ladies and gentlemen, please, please, PLEASE...let's revert to what we learned in kindergarten/primary school: Cover your mouth when you cough and/or sneeze!

It irritates my soul to the core, when I'm on the bus, train or any public place and "Philip Phelgm or "Bianca Bacteria", feel the need to share their germs with everyone. Like, gimme a break! We all know germs are airborne. Did we forget about SARS, H1N1 and the bird flu!!!

So as a gift from me to you all, below is a diagram and friendly reminder of how and why to cover your mouth when you sneeze and cough. Your welcome!


Thou Shall Have Compassion

So much is going on in the world. It's incredible that the more things change, the more they stay the same. We have children dying, people killing people, buildings collapsing, famine and people fighting over land resulting in more blood shed. In our own back yards, we have the indigenous people fighting for their land, Black people STILL fighting to be seen as human and a town whose water is polluted and there has yet to be government intervention. All of this is happening and most don't even bat an eye. Instead, we continue to see things as "them" and not “we”. We collectively need to have more compassion and think as global citizens. Of course, we cannot make this consume our lives and live in a constant state of depression, however, we can volunteer our time to help charities fighting the good fight. If we don't have time, we can donate money, clothes or food. My point is that we should be more mindful and think on a larger scale than just ourselves.... after all, we're all in this together.


Thou Shall Listen To Music in your Headphones

I can't stress this enough. At 8AM, while I'm commuting to work, I don't want to hear Slipknot screaming or Drake playing off your wireless speaker in the metro. Headphones come in an array of colours, shapes, sizes and price points...PICK ONE! This is PUBLIC transportation. Let's be mindful, that we are sharing the space and that what goes for you, does not got necessarily go for the gander.


Thou Shall Remove Cellphone from Dinner Table

Guilty! I, like many others have a bad habit, of always having my cell phone within arms reach. I'm constantly checking my social media platforms for the latest tea, jokes or everyday news. Consequently, I can lose track of my surrounding and end up not paying attention to those around me. I'm challenging us all to be a little less virtual and more present with our loved ones, especially around the dinner table. Let’s use this time to disconnect from the web and connect with those that matter.


Thou Shall Not Dwell on Things you Cannot Change

You live and you learn. I say this all the time but yet, have trouble living by my own catch-phrases. I'm currently dealing with a decision I made last year. In an effort to try and rectify it, I found myself having a major case of FOMO (fear of missing out). As time went on, alternate opportunities presented itself. I was literally pushed into a headspace where I needed to get over it and start focusing on what was directly in front of me. Once I moved past the place of hurt and disappointment, clarity took over. Time really does have a funny way of healing all wounds. So morale of the story, Gucci Mane said it best. "If you keep looking backwards, you're gonna trip, moving forward". The past is in the past. Sometimes, things cannot be changed, so we must learn from it and move on.


Mel is an occasional grill-totin', lifestyle writer. She scouts movers, doers and everything in between.


Create Your Lifestyle XoXo