Relationship advice: are in a situationship?


Love & Relationships


*Note: This is for those looking for a serious, monogamous relationship. If that is not what you want, this article is not for you.

Situationship: he/she won't commit but sends mixed signals; unsure of where one stands, friends with benefits but only one is benefiting.

Not sure if your summer boo-thang is progressing into a monogamous / bonafide relationship or are you on the cusp of a situationship? Allow me to help you. I’m drawing from personal experiences and I want to help prevent heartache and wasted time. Too often, us women fall into the trap of over-thinking, analysing and finding excuses for shady behaviour, when in fact, the answer is right in front of us, “he’s just not that into you”. Those are some hard words to swallow but it’s like a band-aid; the sooner you figure this out, the quicker you can tend to your wounds, pick-up and keep it moving.

Therefore, use the below as a guide or at least a starting point, to help determine if this is something real or a big waste of time.


He Doesn't Call

Relationship advice: Are you in a situationship6

You see this photo? Sad right. Well this is what you look like waiting for him to call you. This is what I looked like! Ladies, we’be ALL been there... the waiting game. Dissecting why he hasn’t called after the chemistry was right, the date was nothing short of perfection and the sex had you moving the sun, moon and the stars. Now, he’s gone M.I.A. and you're racking your brain as to “why”. Sister-friend, please believe, no matter how busy he is, how stressful his day was, you should be his peace, his retreat from reality. Therefore, he should find time to call you.

If you aren’t getting that call, then consider this as two Red flags 🚩🚩


He Doesn't Introduce You To His Friends / Family

Relationship advice : Are you in a situationship?

"Show me your 5 friends and I'll tell you who you are".

Now, I'm not saying after two hours of getting to know each other, you should be meeting his parents. I mean, after a few months of getting to know each other, introducing you to his tribe is a huge sign. It's an opportunity to see where he came from and a solid step forward. So if after a few months, you have yet meet the “Sunday Football Crew” or his best friend / “play cousin”...

Two Red Flags 🚩🚩


No Dates / Not Interested in Getting to Know You

Relationship Advice: Are You in A Situationship?

Yes! You deserve the opportunity to rock that fresh twist-out, new dress and bomb-ass shoes that have been in the back of your closet for months. You deserve the opportunity to “step out” and not be cooped up at home. Enjoy a night out on town, with stimulating company.

This doesn’t mean he should be doing extravagant acts or spending a fortune to wine/dine you. All I'm saying is that he should want to get to know you on a deeper level. Dating allows for an opportunity to talk, joke, learn and exchange, in a neutral, non-overtly sexual environment. You can gain some insight into likes, dislikes and overall ora. Basically, see if there is something worth pursuing or not. Therefore, if he only reaches out after midnight and you're responding to the 1AM "what's good?" texts and participating in "Netflix and Chill"...

Three Red Flags🚩🚩🚩


He is Seeing or Sleeping with Other People

relationship advice - blackmilkwomen

Let it go on the record that, I do not recommend the below and this activity is a breach of privacy and trust. My actions, were done out of pure desperation. Also, you need to be prepared for what you may find. With that said, I have ‘browsed’ through the occasional phone and “reviewed” emails/personal messages. I was convinced there was a prettier and skinnier women occupying his time and bed, when I wasn’t around. Needless to say, if your beaux is sleeping with other people and you have expressed disapproval, discernment and it’s time to reassess your position on his totem pole of importance...

Two red flags 🚩🚩


He Doesn't Claim You In Public

Relationship Advice: Are you in a situationship?

I think I saved the best for last. This is a biggie ladies. Let it be known, that I’m not referring to those who don’t like PDA, or if you both have been “talking” for a short amount of time. I’m referring to if/when he walks a few paces ahead or behind you. Or, if you bump into his friends and he addresses you as his "friend", when there was nothing “friendly” about what y'all were doing last night or the night before. This is a major indication as to where you stand and how he sees you. How did you end up in the “friend zone” when you were on, what you thought was the fast track to a bonafide relationship? ...

Red Flag🚩🚩🚩🚩


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Mel is an occasional grill-totin', lifestyle writer. She scouts movers, doers and everything in between.


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