AFTER THE AISLE: ADULTING AFTER MARRIAGE
AFTER THE AISLE: ADULTING AFTER MARIAGE
Life + Love & Relationships
This is for those at the intersection of starting a family, shifting careers and the pursuit of happiness.
I really don't know what's next for me... and I'm sorta ok with that.
For most of my life, I found myself playing it safe and following the "natural order" of life events. Graduate from high school, float through college, bang-out a Bachelor degree, start a career, meet "Mr. Right" and live happily ever after. Perhaps it was the pressure on my brother and I, to be this generations success stories? Or, being surrounded by failed relationships and the fear of repeating my parents mistakes, that kept me on the straight and narrow. Either way, I've always had somewhat of a guideline for where I wanted to be. Now, I'm at a “life-intersection”, facing different directions and a bit perplexed. Technically, I checked all the right boxes, so why am I still dazed and confused? I really don't know what's next but the fact remains the same; decisions needs to be made.
Perhaps it’s because everyone is expecting me to spit out a baby but, my head, heart and vagina aren’t ready.
"I'm not about to have a child out of fear or societal pressures."
EVERYONE and their mother, are asking when we're going to start a family. Some have even went as far to say that "we're lazy". I understand most mean well but, children are REAL. They don't just go away when you've had enough. There’s no "calling in sick" or "personal days" when you want to tap out. I mean, they need to be loved, fed, clothed, bathed and supervised. How am I supposed to manage all this when I still can't fold fitted sheets properly, make the squeaking sound while hand-washing clothes and prepare soup Joumou (Haitian husband = Soup Joumou...non-negotiable).
Seriously though, most parents say life as you know will never be the same but, it changes for the better. "Sticky hugs, wet kisses and tiny toes, makes it all worth it" . And I'm sure it does but I'm enjoying my "Me time" and "We time" with my husband.
Then there’s the, "Oh, but you're getting older...you’re going to be a old mom!" And here we go with women and their age. Yes, yes, yes... I understand women do have that very real, biological clock, that starts ticking loudly, as your 30's roll around. And yes, I understand children require a lot of energy and the older we get, the less we have. On the other hand, I'm not about to have a child out of fear or societal pressures. So what if I have a few silver hairs while pushing my kid on the swing at the park... they’re going to come anyway. I'm just not there yet.
Maybe I want to keep travelling and perhaps live abroad.
My husband and I have been blessed, to have kissed each other on 4 continents and counting. We just spent our 1st anniversary in Medellin, Columbia. We try to travel as often as possible. We’re adventure junkies and like learning about the world's numerous cultures. We often fantasize about the idea of travelling permanently and using our acquired personal and professional skills, as a means of survival. I read numerous travel blogs, met a few digital nomads, and they all say that once you start, there is no turning back. You gotta admit, the idea of abandoning the corporate world, to explore the REAL world is pretty alluring and quite frankly, sexy. But then again, I've grown accustomed to my lifestyle and I’m not 100% sure I can drop everything and leave.
Or maybe I've come to the realization, that my job/career is... Dull
I recently landed a promotion at work but...meh. Don't get me wrong, I'll take the extra cash and shiny new level, but is this really where I want to be for the next 30-40 years? The answer is no. As I mentioned above, I always had a guideline of where I wanted to be and what I wanted but now that I have all these things, I'm over it. Aside from my husband, everything else is really not what it seemed. I worked so hard to be where I am, too find out it's all an illusion. Mechanistic work environment, overly A/C-ed office space, forced friendships, fake conversations, rows and rows of cubicles, staff huddled behind computer screens, artificial glow, blurring my vision...Matrix much?!?
Is this really how I'm supposed to spend the rest of my days until retirement?
Armed with my digital mentors, Gary Vaynerchuk and Jubril Agoro and my ultra supportive husband, I'm actively pursuing my REAL interests and lining up objectives conducive to my larger goals. But then again, I’m confronted by the notion of saying goodbye to my VERY comfortable paycheck and slew of benefits...Am I really for this?
"if you too have reached an intersection in life, embrace it! Un-plug from the "Matrix", entertain the different avenues, think critically but trust your gut."
Being self-aware is an ongoing process and although I'm not quite there yet, I pride myself in knowing I've made significant strives. Actively reflecting on the above is huge, as opposed to just aimlessly floating through life and doing what's expected of me. So all this to say, if you too have reached an intersection in life, embrace it! Un-plug from the "Matrix", entertain the different avenues, think critically but trust your gut.
Any advice for me? Comment below
Mel is an occasional grill-totin', lifestyle writer. She scouts movers, doers and everything in between.