Why I don't post my relationship on social media


Love & Relationships


Let’s make a few things clear. 

No, I don’t have an imaginary boyfriend.

Yes, I am really in a relationship.

No, I am not hiding an abusive or unhappy relationship.

I am not ashamed of my relationship, nor of the person with whom I share my life.

So why this choice ?

Firstly, I do not have anything against people who do display their relationship, whether it be for the right or wrong reasons. It’s your choice. I am also not here to judge you or tell you how you should manage your relationship image on your instagram feed. I will however, explain to you why I personally decided not to expose my relationship on my social media.


1. My relationship is not a hashtag

I admire celebrities like Meghan Markle and Prince Harry or even Kerry Washington and Nnamdi Asomugha, who have chosen not to publicize their relationship to boost their viewers or monetize their couple. We live in a world where our life can be exposed in just one click. Our CV, our opinions and our comments, our petitions, our personal information are on the internet and now our relationship as well. In today’s era of social media, it is harder to hide than to be seen. We all remember Mr & Mrs Kevin Hart and Eniko’s happy dance, then in love, radiant and the definition of #couplegoal #blacklove #perfectcouple #andwhateverhastagthatdescribestheperfectcouple for many of us, until the cheating scandal broke out a few weeks later and the negative comments, insults and cruelties began polluting the couples account by exposing the betrayal. Yes, because behind every hashtag lies a reality that we don’t always want to show. I don’t want to make my relationship into a mini TV reality show by exposing my daily life to strangers.

Relationships that last need privacy


2. My boyfriend is not into Social Media 

His last Instagram post dates back to September 2016. He rarely posts on Facebook and doesn’t have Snapchat. You would ask me what planet he lived on?! Planet Reality. He didn’t ask me not to post about him on my social media, he just likes to be discrete and modest. He lives his life outside the social media world and because I respect him and his approach on life 3.0, it is only normal I made the choice to preserve us from judgments, critics, jealousy, rumors, lusts, anyhow... the dark side of social media. This doesn’t prevent me from having pictures of him on my phone or my camera.


3. I do not want to feed other people’s curiosity

Why I don't post my boyfriend on social media - Black Milk Women

I’ve seen it and you certainly have too; people’s curiosity can sometimes, perhaps often, come from a bad feeling. Not all your followers will wear their hearts on their sleeves when they comment on one of your photos or couple photos. Certain people are just patiently waiting for your downfall, your breakup, so they can break the slightly too perfect image you portray, or to make them feel less crappy in front of your failure. You have certainly come across them in one of your posts. When everything is going well they don’t bother commenting on any photos and suffer in silence, but then as soon as there is a problem, they are the first to comment and show their disguised goodwill.


Instagram is a tool that creates two very strong and very opposite feelings: awe and frustration


4. I want to avoid having to justify myself

By sharing a piece of yourself on your social media, we invite others to be a part of our lives. Except that we don’t choose our followers like we choose our friends. These friends that we have chosen to openly confide in without feeling judged or getting lectured. These friends who understand, respect and accept your choices. I am not saying that these followers cannot become actual caring friends. There are friendships that have been created through social media. However, some of these people will allow themselves to ask intrusive questions, will give you poor advice, will ask you for accountability claiming they are a part of your life when you have really only shared 5% of it with them. The day will come when you will not have posted a cute couple photo in a while or you go on a trip without him, or you are no longer talking about your engagement party and people will begin to think it is odd and will start to ask if things are okay. Others will have already started throwing around rumours. I don't want our relationship to be owned by anyone except us.


5. I have nothing to prove

I don’t have to prove to anyone that I am in a happy and healthy relationship. Nor do I have to prove to the single people that life in a relationship is better. (some will use their new relationship as vengeance on life, after having been single for what felt like an “eternity”, only to silence the unwelcomed gossipers). I don’t have to convince myself that my man is my man because he offers me a bouquet of flowers once a week. That we travel hand in hand. That he supports me in my projects. That he made the most amazing proposal. That he did X or Y. I refuse to enter into this virtual competition of who makes the best Instagram couple. We post on social media to give value to who we are, what we have and what we do. We want someone else to validate our feeling for those things. I refuse social media to be about external validation..."That’s my boyfriend, please tell me we are a beautiful couple”.

relationship quote - black milk women


What about you? Do you expose your relationship on your social media and why?




Article translated by Marlena Ricciuti

Shirline is the founder of Black Milk Women. She finds inspiration in every areas of life. Creative, passionate and dreamy ... "Eat Beauty, Live Passionately and Drink Life" is her everyday #Wordstoliveby.

Like music or romance she is old school she doesn't snap but she tweets. You can find her on twitter @ThePerfectshee



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