turning 30 years. what I have learned - black women


Live your magic


I know turning ‘’30’’ can feel like getting hit in the head with a sledgehammer and freaks a lot (many) young women out…at first. We get anxious, we stress a little, we have flashbacks of the last ten years of our lives wondering if we really made the right choices. We are under the impression that we have not accomplished anything (or not enough) and that we have passed up opportunities because we did not fit in with the standards that society imposed on us or that we let be imposed on ourselves.

Last month, I turned 30 + 1 years old in New York. What did turning 30 do to me? I have never felt this good in my own skin, in my own head and in my own shoes. I am 31, single and fabulous!

30 years, in reality, is just a number and not a barometer of my life.




Here are the 5 things I learned at 30:


1. Thirty is not the new twenty

If you were to give me the opportunity to relive my twenties… I wouldn’t want to…not even for a day. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved living my twenties fully without a care in the world. I do not regret any of my choices from ages 20, 23 or 27 because these choices, whether they were good or bad, made me who I am today. I also learned from my mistakes and those mistakes helped shape and build my character. I took advantage of my twenties and therefore do not feel the need to relive a second youth (even though I still feel young). Either way, even if I wanted to, my body would simply refuse it.


2. Everything falls into place 

At 20, we are, by all means, in search of ourselves. At 30…we find ourselves.

Our identity, our personality, are a lot stronger, asserted and stable. Even though we must always ensure that we are being the best version of ourselves, and this can take our whole lives.

However, the decisions we make at 30 compared to the decisions made at 20 are a lot more balanced and well thought out and a lot less impulsive, whether it be emotional, personal or professional. I am a lot more responsible and attentive to my environment today than when I was 22. For example, at 23 years old, I was banned from holding a bank account (foolishness!) and so today, I think a lot more about my future, my plans, my future family and I take my finances very seriously. Around the last years of our twenties and the beginning of our thirties, we slowly harvest the grains that we planted. We obtain our first real permanent job after years of studying or years of accumulating small temporary jobs. We go through our first serious relationship (that actually works) after collecting years of the single life or useless part time relationships. We invest our time and our energy differently and wisely. We take pleasure in adult life… the real life, not the one we lived when we were 20, where our priorities were to decide between 1) buying a BCBG dress 2) going to a restaurant/club/movie with friends 3) both and eating pasta for the rest of the week until the next (ridiculous) pay check. You know what I’m talking about.


3. You Will Not Have It All and It’s Fine

The ring, the house, the husband, the trips in business class, the striving business (Insert a list of all the things you don’t have…. yet!)

Do not worry about not having it all. We have our whole lives to build and have what we want so obviously at 30, you will not have it all! At 20, you probably thought you would be married by 30 or promoted to the head of your department of a huge international import export company…but once 30 comes along you realize that marriage (or having a boyfriend) isn’t your key to happiness and that the huge import export company isn’t really your cup of tea. At 30, your desires and your plans change. The young 20-year-old girl is no longer the 30-year-old woman. You know how to make yourself happy with what you have and even if you remain ambitious, you know how to satisfy yourself with what you have. You know that to reach your goal, you cannot skip steps and have to be patient.

Some will have the beautiful house and the husband. Others will have the child, the husband but not the beautiful house. Some will have the child without a husband, and others won’t have the house, nor the husband nor the kids, but they will have the diploma, the dream job; they will have done a tour around the world or launched their business … so many possible combinations but in the end, you will always end up with something good, even though it isn’t right away nor what you wished for. Life gives us what we are ready to receive and it has nothing to do with age.

Thirty, single and fabulous - quotes


4. You’re still not there yet, get used to it

You still don’t have the job nor the salary of your dreams, your boyfriend still hasn’t proposed, your trip to the Maldives is still on your wish list, you have yet to open a retirement fund, you don’t have the waist circumference that would make you happy… ? Your to-do list will never be completed and done with at 30, nor at 40 nor 50. Life is a work in progress in which you are the foreman and your own actions can eventually wrap up this project. Day by day, things get built, if you do your best, are willing and keep practicing. Hold on to your dreams, continue dreaming and always do your best. Certain things will come true and others won’t but it doesn’t mean your life is a failure.


5. You Love Yourself More

Throughout these ten years, you have learned to love yourself, accept yourself, respect yourself a thousand times more. You know your strengths and your weaknesses a lot better. You can get rid of unscrupulous things and people who you no longer wish to tolerate because their presence does not enhance your life nor bring you anything positive. You learned how to turn your well-being into a sanctuary, a safe-haven where you feel good… so good that you choose precisely who and what enters your life. You no longer allow bullshit, unnecessary drama or gossip in your life and you do not take part in it. You take full responsibility. You tolerate yourself more and accept your vulnerabilities, not as a shame but as a force. You refuse to compromise your values and yourself. You can end a relationship or a bad situation to follow your road to happiness.


At thirty you let go of what it supposed to be and you let be.

30, Single and fabulous - Black Milk Women
Birthday gift from my Boyfriend ♡  Ps: Yes I am single on paper 

Birthday gift from my Boyfriend ♡  Ps: Yes I am single on paper 

thirty, single and fabulous - black milk women
thirty, single and fabulous - black milk women
thirty, single and fabulous - black milk women
NYC - black milk women

Article translated by Marlena Ricciuti


Shirline is the founder of Black Milk Women. She finds inspiration in every areas of life. Creative, passionate and dreamy ... "Eat Beauty, Live Passionately and Drink Life '' is her everyday #Wordstoliveby.

Like music or romance she is old school she doesn't snap but she tweets. 

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